


Say It To Me Now

by poppetawoppet



Series: dance [2]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-18
Updated: 2010-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4748270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People asked me to fix it. Um. I kind of did? Inspired a little by a prompt <span class="ljuser i-ljuser i-ljuser-type-P"></span><a class="i-ljuser-profile" href="http://condancer.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://condancer.livejournal.com/"></a><b>condancer</b> gave me on Twitter, I just twisted it slightly</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say It To Me Now

You love your husband. Nothing will ever change that.

But sometimes you fight, and sometimes things are said that shouldn't be.

When Josh throws Kris in your face, you laugh as you always do. But then he says something particularly unkind.

"Please. You can't tell me you don't know he is totally in love with you."

You blink and shake your head. "It isn't like that. Not at all."

Josh looks at you for a long time. "Not for you. Well it could have been, I suppose. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

You don't say anything, because you think about it, and it _can't_ be true.

"You didn't know did you?" Josh says.

"I—it, it isn't possible."

"It is. I thought you knew."

You shake your head, your heart aching a little, because it's Kris, and it isn't at all possible. But you can't get the thought out of your head.

*

"What's up, man?" Kris hugs you and leads you into the kitchen. "I was just getting lunch."

You watch him for awhile, and it seems the same. Nothing has changed at all.

"Adam. Are you okay?"

"I." You let out a breath. "If I ask you something would you be completely honest with me?"

"Have I ever not been honest with you?"

You want to say yes, but you aren't sure, especially with him looking at you as he always has. So you ask. Because you have to know.

"How long have you been in love with me?"

The surprise in his eyes tell you everything, the catch of his breath acknowledging that he was consciously hiding it from you.

"Adam—"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Kris sits on the stool next to you, sighs. "Because by the time I worked up the courage, you were already so happy. How could I deny you that?"

"But—"

Kris shakes his head. "He makes you happy. He treats you right. You love each other. Nothing is more important than that. Not my heart. Not what may possibly be."

"I—"

"You weren't supposed to know."

"Josh told me."

Kris blinks at you, and his shoulders fall. "Does everyone know?"

"I didn't."

You can't help but stare at him, and wonder. You love him too, after all, just not that way. But you could, and the possibility of it is making your mind go places it shouldn't. Kris stares at you, and shakes his head.

"Don't do this Adam. Please.'

"Kris—"

"I won't ever stop loving you. I can't change that. But I've just gotten to the point where it doesn't hurt anymore. I can't do this."

"I'm not—"

"You're thinking about it. Trust me, there are a lot of scenarios I imagined a long time ago. Every single one is on your face."  
   
"It isn't fair."

Kris smiles, and there are tears in his eyes. "No. It isn't."

You look at him for a long time, and you could move in. You are almost sure he would let it happen. But Kris is right. It isn't right, no matter how unfair.

"It would have been totally awesome," you say.

Kris laughs. "Maybe. Maybe I would have left after finding glitter in weird places."

"You only wish you would find glitter in weird places."

You both laugh then. It still isn't okay. But it is better.

Kris tries to shake your hand. You pull him into a hug, whispering in his ear,

"I do wish I'd known. Even then. But I understand. I'm sure there's someone for you."

You place your lips to his forehead and smile as you leave.

And pretend not to hear him whisper "Not like you" as you walk out the door.

It isn't fair.

It isn't okay.

But you love your husband. Nothing will ever change that.


End file.
